17 years
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i never did the normal high school thing. after i got out of the center i tried going back couldn’t.
also i met adult working musicians which took me on board.. seemed an easy choice. seeing cities.. bars in day light after long nights.. hotels vans.. recording.. creation practice.. groups working towards a common goal.. felt like freedom.. too bad i was so shy.. i barely ever played.. or talked.. but soaked it in.. lasted maybe 6yrs.. my 20’s i ‘cleaned up’, less weed+alcohol, no more pills.. mostly isolated for about 10yrs. monk life for a few.. disciplined.. trying to find my simplest form. but now going on 32 i do feel like i missed out on the teenage to adult thing.. so called formative years.. which they were.. i loved it all and anyway really felt incapable of those huge buildings crawling with loud kids.. but it’s the kind of thing that when it stops, you have nothing much to show for it.. an artful life requires a lot of persistence and work to maybe one day, if stars align, be successful.. and since i hate stress, i’d like to have the security of a job that i love.

New Confession

So, one time I told my mom that I wanna buy a lollipop, I was 17 that time. My step brother then asked if he could come my mom and I agreed. Me and my step brother let’s just call him Daniel. Daniel the both of went out to buy. We bought a few things lollies and he said he wanted a beer, so I bought one for him. But on the way home walking he asked saying “I have a lollipop why would you buy one?” I looked confused. But I just said I like the strawberry flavored more. he then asked if we could go somewhere for awhile, I agreed cuz’ why not, The house is boring anyway. We went to this secluded area it’s dim but not to dark. No person is walking at that time because it’s night a bit late. We sat down on the bench right beside each other. around probably 5 minutes passed, he took my hand and hovered at top of his “DIH’ it was hard, very hard. my hand is not inside yet. He spoke “you make me this hard everyday.” mind you he was 22 at that time. I sat down still, I didn’t move one bit and just let him do what he wants to. then, he puts my hand inside and helped me stroke his “Dih” I stroked it, he started moaning softly minutes passed like that, he spoke after “Can you s*** for me?” I nodded, because what can I do? I sucked his dih and he exploded on my mouth. I thought it was done and he told me to swallow so I did. after that we didn’t tell mom nor dad it’s our little secret. that was 6 months ago, and now we both sometimes do it when we are alone.

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