Im struggling. Depression is hitting me like a ton of bricks. I am sipping from various liquor bottles so no individual one looks too low. I don’t drink a lot regularly, maybe one drink every other day, every two days, but I’ve upped it right now to help dull the despair. Two of my son’s friends hanged themselves within the last year, i have to pretend things aren’t bleak, put on an upbeat face. There’s a commercial where people wear happy face masks, it’s spot on. I desperately want to be content and even happy and they say fake it till you make it but i have been faking for almost 30 years and i feel like i am failing. Ive done medications, been in therapy for 10 years. Do not worry, i am not a danger to myself or others, i would never saddle my child with that horror. I just don’t know how to fix myself.