I hate it when people I've met before don't seem to recognize me the next time we happen to meet. I think it all comes down to looks and am deathly

13 years

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I hate it when people I’ve met before don’t seem to recognize me the next time we happen to meet. I think it all comes down to looks and am deathly terrified that what I’m saying is true. If you look good, people will remember you. If you’re just a plain jane, no one will. I cannot stand it when I believe that this person won’t remember me and therefore I never smile or say hi at them, because I don’t want to be told yet again that I have a highly forgettable face. I just can’t deal if that is true. As such, I don’t have many friends.

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i want to end myself and i have suicidal thoughts thinking how should i die (i often think about hanging) and i imagine myself when i am doing the deed. i have fallen quite low and it is hard to stand up again. i have been having family issues (mainly with my dad) aside from my own personal problems. even if i vent this to someone, i know that their words are not enough. it is unfortunate for me that i got the miserable version of life haha… maybe if i was more pleasant, people would’ve treated me differently and my father wouldn’t even verbally abuse me. i have been like this for months now. some days i feel better but once triggered, everything comes back and i am miserable again. i really don’t want this life and the urge to end it is very strong. i have fallen out of my faith in God so to end this all, i think i should end the root of everything which is me because i realized that i might be the problem. that is all.