Hey,
Im writing because ever since i was a child i was being compared to one of my friends by my mum.
To start with i need to explain things from the beginning: My mum and my friends mum are close friends since primary school, which makes us friends ever since birth.
When we were little we were best friends and because we are only one year apart we used to get along really well.After a few years as we grew up we didn’t consider each other that close but we always had a solid and understanding friendship and by that i mean she is the type of person that i can always hold a conversation with , but if i had to choose whether i want to spend my time with her or any of my other friends i would choose them. She is extroverted and is always surrounded by people and has lots of friends (even tho she always has some type of drama in her life) and i am the opposite I’d rather stay at home and i am really picky about who i hang with because since a very young age i learned not to trust people. My mum was probably worried about me because i was according to her “specific” when it comes to social interactions she wished i was more like her. My friend was always the girl that gets everyones attention and i was the typical geek i guess.The invisible girl that everyone is ok with but the one who they probably won’t remember in a couple of years and i was ok with that until…
So when i got into high school the first year passed and everything went well and the next one she enrolled in the same high school and as expected she got most of the attention and the comparisons began again. Don’t get me wrong i don’t want to be like her and im not saying this because of jealousy i am finally at a place where i am happy with myself but i simply don’t think that my personality can shine through with her being there.
This year everything was great for me, i got a scholarship at a foreign university and finally though that everything was falling into place. I found my dream major and i am happy, finally seeing a bright future for myself.
But the last few months i was told that my friend was going to apply for the same scholarship and i though thats great we can hang out more since we’d be in the same city and even maybe become roommates.My current issue started when i wound out that she wanted to apply for the same major im studying (back home is not an existing one), i never minded living in the shadows but i always tried having a bit of individuality and now with this i fear that that part will be gone, that all of this is making me think that all the wonderful people i met this year would prefer her, that she’ll be more successful than me.
Maybe my past experiences with things are making me a bit of paranoid also the whole desire of mine about starting new isn’t helping me neither … i don’t know what the future will hold but i felt that i had to write this down somewhere.