I love and hate my best friend. She has betrayed me, she has hurt me so many times, and she does not see the harm she is causing me. The thing is, we’re in different schools. And the fact that we don’t know much about the other people in each other’s schools makes it so we can bond so much because when one says something about someone in their school, the other doesn’t know that person so cannot disagree with the other and can’t do anything but agree and help the other or talk about it always staying one the side of the other. Truthfully, I have been idolising her, thinking she is so beautiful, so smart, has a great and perfect personality, blablabla.. But lately, she has been starting to become friends with the people in my own school, and I have been starting to see her in a different point of view, I now see her as a pathetic little 14 year old, who is trying to be friends with everybody to be popular. I see her with her heels and red lipstick, and I think she kinda looks like a h*****. I still love her, but she is causing me so much pain, as she knows I hate the people she is becoming friends with, and that she does not care and does not think a second that it could hurt me, she does not realise the pain she’s inflicting on me, and I don’t know what to do because I can’t tell her who to see and who not to see, I can’t tell her what to do, who to talk to and who not to talk to, I don’t even know if I really am her bestfriend, or if she is using me or something, I don’t even know is SHE is my best friend. I don’t know anything anymore, and I just want to end things.. But I don’t have the courage to do anything to myself, and I hate myself for that.