I’m lying here in a nice hotel room having just had a long conversation with my ex girlfriend about our relationship even though it ended 5 years ago and she’s with someone else now, but she was and probably will be the only girl I’m ever going to really love. While talking to her she got really upset because talking about when we were together brought back the horrible memories because our relationship was not a good one, she felt horribly alone when we were together because all of my friends and family didn’t really like her and that hurt her a lot and it was all my fault because I was so worried about making her happy that when I wasn’t able to I got really depressed and angry and my family thought it was because me and her had gotten into a fight when really she had been crying because she felt alone cause she though no one liked her and I wasn’t able to make it better so it just dominoed into an even worse situation. I haven’t been trying to be with anyone else since her because I don’t want to hurt anyone else like I did her because no one deserves that. But now that I’ve caused all those bad memores to come back for her. I feel like I shouldn’t ever talk to her again but I still love her and I can’t be with out her even though I can’t tell her that. All of this is really making me think I should just kill myself because I do end up just hurting everyone I care about, and since I’m not helping anyone I might as well stop wasting the air and resorces that could be used by someone who could truely help this world. I know it sounds stupid but I know I’m going to die alone anyway so why wait and go slowly when I can go now and not prolong the loneliness and pain. I just wish I could go back and be the person she truly deserves and make everything better, I really do love her and I don’t go a day without worrying if she’s truly happy, but I’ll never be the one to do that for her. Tori I will always love you.