So…. I’m married, and sleeping with another man, who is also married. At first, I thought I had this under control. That I would be a cold, s***** vixen… no emotion. Just s**. The more I sleep with him, the more I think of him… the more I think of him… the closer I get to letting feelings happen. What the f***. I know he is using me for s**. I was using him… why do I care so much what he thinks of me? How come the idea of him having other extra marital affairs bothers me, and makes me jealous? Why do I want him to fall for me? Why am I paranoid at the thought of him meeting a woman prettier than me?

Is it simply because I am manifesting guilt, due to this being a dishonest act against my husband, or did I just marry someone who I am not s******* attracted to, and was never really in love with, and now I have found someone with whom I would be more compatible?

In all honestly, I only came here so maybe someone would have the heart to be honest with me and tell me to shut him out, not get attached, and to mostly tell me that I am nothing special to him. Nothing except a good f***. Nothing special. Not particularly beautiful, or interesting…. just easy I guess. An easy escape.