I want to matter to someone.

It’s been 6 years and I cannot let go. It feels like a disease. Robbing me of who I was, it’s consuming. I wish I could just move on.

I couldn’t stand my mother when she was alive. My last words to her were “what do you want?” It’s been a year since she passed, I miss her every single day and need her more now than I ever did. I always thought “one day” we will have a normal relationship. When she died I realized that was no longer an option.

I wish someone would call me, invite me somewhere…anywhere. Even a random text.