I don’t want to restart anymore.
My parents were never content in the midwest so they moved us to the west coast. In the midwest it was easy. We never had any direct family and my parents, siblings and I were the only ones there. We were happy. But there wasn’t any opportunity there. So my parents moved us to the west coast.
In the midwest, I wasn’t a sociable person. Everyone I knew I went to school with for the past few years of my life. Moving to a different school with a different background, a different set of people, a different environment it destroyed me. It didn’t help that I wasn’t even on the same page as the school. The curriculum and atmosphere was all different. I cried myself to sleep more often than not because I was out of place. My parents were just happy being in the west coast, but me… Eventually I found a crowd/group of sorts, but it was too late. We were moving again.

This time we moved during the summer. Much better, I’d say, but not easier. School comes back in after the summer and I’m back being the new girl in a new grade. (8th grade) But what’s the use when everyone has already known each other for at least three years prior? I still didn’t fit in. But eventually, I was able to slowly integrate myself into the flow. I was becoming happy again. Then we were going to have to move on to high school.
I didn’t mind. My family didn’t move yet, and I was going to the same high school as my closest friends. I even found a new activity. Freshmen year was great. I truly felt happy during that time.
I should have known it was too good to be true.
Freshmen year ends, many people move out of my life, I go visit my birth country, and Sophomore year starts. Sophomore year is a mess. There’s so much pressure and there’s so much change. The only thing that hasn’t changed is the activity I do with my team. But now my parents decide that after this year we’re most likely going to move.
Its early in the year, but I don’t want this to be my last, goddammit. I still have my closest friends with me, and I’ve had them with me for 2 years already.
I can’t simply just move again. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO RESTART? THEY LET ME BELIEVE THAT I CAN PLAN ON STAYING UNTIL I GRADUATE AND FOR WHAT?!?!?!? I can barely keep my grades up now and if we move I think I’m just letting it go.
I’ve made a plan how to be successful until graduation. I have good friends. I have plans on what classes I could take. I have good reputations with my teachers. I have a guaranteed position as a leader in my activity. I can’t just give it up now.
I have so many secrets with my unstable mental state… I’m struggling. But I think if I move before I graduate, I think the rope will snap and I will spiral.