I feel sad. I have no friends in this state after a year and a half. I’ve been thinking more and more about ending it. I can’t let anyone see how hard this all is. I’m struggling with feeling incompetent in my job and incapable of maintaining adult relationships. I’m the token freak. I’m odd. That’s not a good life. I think that’s why I want to die. I can’t ever let anyone see that I’m sad, because at best they get panicky and guilty and blame themselves for me being how I am, which just reminds me of how unacceptable I am as a person. At worst they get angry at me for bothering the peace of their lives with my irrelevant problems. I just want to run away and have no responsibilities now. I guess that’s progress from wanting to die, right? It’s really scary, and no one seems to understand or want to understand, not even therapists. I just don’t belong, and it’s time to accept that I never will, no matter how hard I try.