12 years
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Dear Mema,

Its as if I only get truly sad about you not being here when I uncover a memory not thought about since before you died. Its like I can only get really sad and rerealize your death when I found a stone/moment unturned. I just remembered how you would always introduce me to all your friends before church on sundays, and how proud you seemed (in a bragging grandmotherly way). Almost a year has gone by and I wish I could tell you all the new installments in my life that you would want to tell your friends. Its weird to think that you never knew about my crew accomplishments, and where I work now, and where I am going to go to college. It is superficial, but it makes me really happy knowing how proud you were.

I do miss you, and I worry that my memory of you will fade into the few stories that are repeatedly told. The memory of you and the realization that you are unhuggable only seems fresh when I am able to think of a very specific moment together. I love hearing other’s stories about you, but we are creating an image of you post mortem not because it was necessarily as true but because it is easy to only remember certain stories. Their memories are not mine. I don’t want to write you off as a possible story to write a college essay with, but that is the easiest way to remember you.

New Confession

When me and my twin brother were 14 our parents went on a month long cruise,so we went to stay with our grandparents on mom’s side.Two days after we got there,grandpa took bro fishing and i helped gramma take some boxes up to their attic for storage.After the last box,we took a break and were sitting in chairs in the attic and i was looking around.I saw a large box off to the side that had written on it “Mary’s bedwetting diapers and rubberpants”.I asked gramma about them and she told me that mom was a bedwetter going thru her puberty from ages 12 to past 15 and that she put the cloth diapers and rubberpants on mom everynight at bedtime.She got up and shoved the box over towards me and opened it up.On one side were 2 stacks of cloth diapers,and on the other side were 2 stacks of rubberpants in white,pastels,and babyprints! Gramma then told me how much she loved putting the diapers and rubberpants on mom at bedtime and knowing her bed would be dry in the morning! Gramma started to tear up as she told me that mom wore the diapers and rubberpants on easter and christmas,under her cute dresses,and also in 2 weddings when she was 14.Gramma was almost crying and i felt sorry for her! Gramma then told me it would make her feel better if i would wear the diapers and rubberpants to bed,even tho i wasn’t a bedwetter.I gave in and said i would wear them,so we took the box down to my room and gramma told me she wanted me to start wearing them right away! So she laid several diapers on my bed and folded them,then i took off my shorts and p****** and sat down on the diapers and laid back.Gramma powdered me,then pinned the diapers on me,then to a pair of the pink rubberpants and put them on me over the diapers! Gramma was smiling and happy that i was like ‘mom’ when she was a bedwetter. I wore the diapers and rubberpants to bed every night and gramma put them on me at bedtime for the whole month!

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