My boyfriend has made me into such a nice/better person over the years. I really hate to admit it but I need to thank him for ‘taming’ me. I’m just filled with anger and this blood lust! I see fights or violence and I get this urge to just jump in and rip the person up. Or I would always think, “If I get into a fight, I want to rip out eyeballs, break their knees, and kill them!” I liked the thought of fighting dirty, and he would say he would much rather “Fight the fight, don’t hit them when their down, and once he wins, stay with them until they come to so nothing happens to them.”

I couldn’t even grasp that idea in the beginning, in fact just thinking of it made me angry. “Why would you let them get away? Why don’t you want to just completely destroy them? Why help them?” He literally blew my mind. It was like all I knew was violence and I didn’t understand why he would be ‘kind’ to the ‘enemy’.

Now I do try to give people second chances, and I do hold back. I still ‘thirst’ for that violence but I know now, how I’m ‘supposed’ to be. He is kind. Sometimes, I think he’s too kind, too good, too pure. And sometimes.. I feel like he’ll always be pure, and I’ll always be evil. It kind of makes me jealous. Makes me feel like Vegeta.. I don’t really mind it, but I worry that someday, he’ll think I’m too dark. Literally too much on the dark side. What if I do something that I see as fun and fitting, and he sees as completely wrong? I am afraid of doing something that will upset or disappoint him.

I promise I’m doing my best.