My school assisted in bullying me.
In 2010 (if I remember right) I was bullied and went on until the girl moved away. So I was getting bullied by this girl so finally I had enough and decided to confront her. Well the school’s counselor was a family friend of the bully and she turned it all around to make me look like the bully. The counselor would do things such as get all my friends and the bully in a room together and tell them reasons why they shouldn’t be my friend anymore. The bully would tell people that I hit her and threatened her and she would cry in front of them just to get them to believe her. Something was wrong with her and her whole family. She wanted to kill me, really. Well as time passed her hate for me grew and in the mean while I seriously wanted to die. I didn’t know what suicide, depression, or self harm was. All I knew is I was hurting, taking my nails and scratching myself and biting myself helped to relieve pain (Like I said, didn’t even know what it was so how was I to know that I needed help for this?), and the fact that people that are dead don’t have pain. I remember that I would wake up every night around 5 AM, feeling sick and I couldn’t get back to sleep. I remember teachers pulling ME aside and telling ME to stop bullying HER. Well a year before she moved she started semi-stalking me. Following me around school, always right behind me. She would step on my shoes, I remember, and it was probably just to throw the fact that she was right there in my face. I believe 100% that she would either be stalking me or trying to kill me if she was still here. She seriously had something wrong with her. Of course a lot more happened but I can’t remember, my mind has blocked those memories and I’m grateful for that. I still have dreams about her coming back, and bullying is a rather touchy topic for me. My school assisted in bullying me. I have a silly fear of counselors because of this. When people say things like “If you’e getting bullied speak up, if you see it report it, ect.” I just can’t help but think “What if you’re wrong?” Because sometimes you are and it hurts more than anything for people to hate you for something you didn’t do. My depression never went away. When I learned what it was of course I googled it. Come to find out lots of other people have this problem so I went on things like twitter to visit people with this problem. Turns out a lot of them also had these things called eating disorders and anxiety. Well a young girl looking at these pro ana quotes.. that doesn’t end well. Now I’ve had problems before, this was just the tip of the iceberg for things like my trust issues and paranoia. Where did it all start? Probably with my father. A father that used to spend lots of time in jail, a father that promises he’ll be there and doesn’t call for months. A father that doesn’t even know the simplest of things like my birthday or my favorite animal. He wasn’t the worst father, no physical hurt from him, just a lot of emotional hurt. Then there’s the fact that I have 3 siblings. All my life I have wanted siblings. So you think I’d be super stoked to have some, right? Well I would be if I knew them. I know one, Brittany, and she’s eight years older than me. I met her when she was 18, a little late to have a sisterly bond, don’t you think? Well my two other siblings don’t know I exist, they were adopted and their parents have no intentions of telling them that. I’ve always wanted a sister and nobody knows how much it hurts to have one that barely acknowledges that I exist. The worst part is that she’s so sweet, I really missed out. Then there’s the fact that my mom’s side of the family is so broken up. A bipolar aunt and an aunt on drugs are two things that hurt this family a lot. Then there’s the fact that tensions are high when people don’t have money. It s**** seeing all your classmates walk around with the newest iPhone or Galaxy or whatever when you don’t even have a flip phone. There’s people that still hate me because they believe everything the bully said. Anyway, we can afford food (with the state’s help) and a roof over our head (again with the state’s help) and that’s about it. It’s not my mother’s fault, I know she’s sorry. Well this was a long post but I just really needed to say the things that have been inside me since before I can remember. It was just supposed to be about the bully but apparently not. Yeah..