I used to date this one guy, and we were so happy together. There where the occasional fights but we always made up and kept moving forward. He pushed me to do better and become a better person which I highly miss to this day. I miss his scent as I would sleep with him in his bed before school, I miss hearing him sing to me as he played his guitar, I miss play fighting with him, confessing my feelings everyday to him, and hearing him say he loves me in laos. I miss our friendship since middle school, seeing him smile when we passed each other in the halls, missed him showing me off to all his friends even though I was an average and awkward person. I miss holding his hand and crying in his arms when my father abused me. I miss having him by my side not just as a boyfriend but as a best friend. And I don’t just miss him, I miss his twin brother too, even though he would be mean to me sometimes. I miss playing video games with both of them, fighting over who gets the last piece of pizza, and going to the movies with them. They were always there for me, and I had to go and screw everything up. I confused brotherly love with true love, I couldn’t control my emotions or stand up for myself like they told me to. It has been about 2 or 3 years now and I still wish every night before I go to bed that things would patch up between us and we would be friends again. Sometimes I cant bear these memories and sleep until I forget them again. I wish with all my might that we would be friends again. I wish I was stronger to face them but it seems that the more I try to fix things between us, the more angry my ex feels and the more annoyed his brother feels. I just cant wait to graduate and leave. Maybe then I would be able to forget these feelings in my chest.
~Kimiko~