I know that suicide is not the answer. I know that these suicidal thoughts and urges I’ve been having are messed up, not healthy. But I can’t stop them. And I know they don’t make sense – and, yet, at the same time, they do. I want to live a good long life and I don’t want to hurt the people I care about. I just feel like I’m going crazy sometimes. I’m so scared that I’m going to snap, and that I’ll forget my friends and family long enough to kill myself without realizing what’s happening. I feel so guilty because I ruined my parents’ lives because of the many health complications they had to deal with from my early birth. It’s like the same damn sob story that shouldn’t be a sob story, but they – especially my dad – made it into one and made me feel so guilty for being born. And I’m supposed to be studying but I spend a lot of time every day just holding myself together making sure I won’t snap.