• 10 months ago
  • 0 0

I can’t catch feelings anymore. I’m in school, and I’m quite pretty, so I’ve had quite a few people have crushes on me, and plenty of attractive people around during the schoolweek, but regardless, I haven’t had feelings for a single person in two years. Even when really want to give somebody a try, there’s a combination of “its not worth it. It’s a waste of time. You’re only gonna spend the whole year, or longer, holding feelings for them and it’ll all be for nothing. Even if they do like you, it won’t last long and dating them is a waste of time.” and “You can do better than that. Everyone’s gonna hear about you two and judge you. And once that person hears everyone talking, they’ll doubt their feelings. Even if they don’t tell you, they’ll know that you’re not as perfect as they thought you were.”

Also, I have ADHD and that’s kindof a difficult thing to explain to someone. Of course i wouldn’t say it too quickly. I’d have to wait a few months first, but eventually they would wonder why some days (when I forget to take my meds, or they aren’t available) I’m energetic, sociable, and easily exited,and others (when I do take my meds) I’m much quieter and keep to myself, so naturally I’d have to tell them sooner than I’d like, otherwise they might think I’m ignoring them or uninterested. ANYWAY. This is all in theory. I still can’t catch feelings for anybody. Mostly due to the meds making me less sociable and keeping me from reacting/feeling things as quickly, but also a sort of psychological barrier. The last time I fell for someone, I fell SO hard. I loved him sO much, and it wasn’t just infatuation either. but that was two years ago. Shortly after that I promised myself that I wouldn’t fall for anyone for a long time. At least not until highschool (that was in seventh grade). And now I’m in highschool. It’s been two years since I’ve fallen for anybody at all. After the promise, if I started to get feelings for anyone I’d say “Nope. We are not doing this. You said you weren’t going to fall for ANYONE. You need to give yourself more time.” and eventually it just led to me blocking and putting a wall up against catching feelings or falling for anyone. But now I can’t get rid of it.

Also I’ve had issues with my dad, leading me to question how long they would stay with me, if they’d wind up with anger problems like him, and things like that. He has anger issues and often doesn’t understand me and my sister’s feelings (usually when he needs a smoke) when he gets mad (usually about something ridiculous) and we react. BUT ANYWAY.

Five guys have liked me (that i know of) already in the last 5 months since the beginning of the school year, and they were all pretty attractive, but I can’t feel anything for any of them. I had to put two of them down after confessing to me, too. I felt terrible, but i just don’t feel anything for any of them. And it’s not extREMELY troubling or anything, but its pretty stupid and I w a n t to have feelings for someone, treasure somebody, hold hands go on dates, and make them feel special, but I just can’t somehow. It really gets on my nerves and I don’t know how to fix it. It’s obviously not a gradual healing thing because its been so long, and I don’t know what to do.

All Comments

  • the last paragraph you wrote really hit me. i’ll have these days where i want to be loved and feel really wanted and special but then i’ll suddenly think that i’m unwanted and unworthy of anybody’s love because i haven’t had a date or relationship like my friends have had over the years.

    Anonymous January 15, 2018 1:34 am Reply

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