I hate my life as it currently is. Everyday is just another day of the same. I feel like I am stuck in this perpetual loop of having to eat s*** sandwiches every day because there is nothing I can do to change my situation. There is no end. Every day is the same. I battle a raging storm of unhappy customers, suppliers, creditors and beat down employees all while barely (and mostly failing) keeping my own emotional health. We don’t make enough money to pay our bills but can’t stop what we’re doing because we would lose everything. I cringe everytime the phone rings.
I don’t want be around people and I hate looking people in the eye. I feel like such a failure though I know we have done everything that we can to make this work and we have experienced soooo many set backs over the years. So many things we couldn’t have foreseen.
We have leveraged everything that we have to try and make this work and seems like we have only managed to work ourselves into a deep debt that I fear we will never get out from underneath.
Part of me wants to end it all but I don’t want to leave my husband to deal with all of that PLUS losing me as well. Mostly I just want the agony and miserableness of every day to stop. I know that things don’t last forever but when you are in the middle of it and you have just watched your life slowly crumble I over the last year, it’s hard to see and end to it.
I am at my end. I have no more to give.
