When im alone in a room with my dad i get scared. Or not scared. But. Nervous, and i feel anxious as though he can read my mind. I feel like he somehow knows it makes me uncomfortable and he does it on purpose. But its not like i have evidence. Hes just large and frightening and silent. And hes volatile. Im 13. Ive been molested by my oldest brother when i was 8 until i was 10. His life has gone to shit and he cant hold a job. My other brother luckas is trans and im always being compared to them. the brilliant boy turned failure of a man. The handsome boy trapped in a beautiful girls body. And im neither and both and its hard for me. My dad and my mom fight more now. And my dad has broken things when he never did before. Its the middle of the night as i write this and my dads awake for no reason. Silently playing on his phone. Unnerving me and making me feel weird. I just wanted to dance for a bit before bed so i wouldnt be restless. But now i just feel creeped out. I prefer when he isnt home. Im a terrible person for that.

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