This is one of the oddest things I have ever considered doing. That being said there is something. i have to get off my chest and do not feel comfortable with anyone in my real life knowing the full breath of this experience. It has become yet another catalyst for change in my soul. Thats sensitive info I dont trust anyone with really.

Long story short theres this girl; known her since highschool, have loved her ever since our connection kicked off. Treasured this girl so much that I never had the grit to doing anything about it. Lose her to some s***** scumbags who abused and mistreat her (i found his out much later). Years go by but we always kept contact. Even when she moved far away.

So after some ridiculous complications we finally end up together and back in the same state. Things are great. The happiest I have ever been in my life. She made me feel complete; as if somehow being with her brought the other half of my reality into place.

She lives far but I put in the work and effort to make sure we see eachother basically daily. She would spend weeks at my house. We talked about our lives together and how long we wanted to be together. What wed do with these new lives.

Then as if it was all some elaborate scheme from the start she switched…

She never wanted to see me, was always distant through texts. She lead me on just enough to keep me around. She always told me it wasnt me, it was her state of mind. She doesnt know that I knew she was cheating on me the whole time se were together. She doesn’t know I can see her texts and that she left her facebook logged in on my laptop.

I know the names of the gentlemen she probably fooled just like me. Im not mad at anyone, im not vindictive or regretful. I just want the universe to know that I tried one last time. This marks the twelfth failed relationship ive had. Theres not much wind left beneath my wings anymore, i walk with my feet planted and my jaw locked in place.

Throw what you have at me world; You’ll never break the man I’ve become. The scars that cover my body and soul are worn proudly like medals; reminders of how many times this fucked up world has tried to break me and failed.

We may not all experience the same struggles or the same lessons in life, but we all feel the same pain. My message to anyone who has read this far? Thank you for letting me share a part of my pain with you. We shouldnt fear pain, we should learn from it. By reading this you’ve become one of the few people to see this fragment of my soul. If by some means any of you manage to know who I am, please do not come to me and talk to me about this. I am no longer holding on, its time I moved forward with my life and finally lived just for me.

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