i think all the people in my life truly dont care about me
sure they’re there when im ok
but they freak out on me and abandon me/guilt me when i go into a deep depressive state
if there was an easier way to commit suicide, i would do it
i have no future, and i really dont think my death would affect anyone too long
my mother and father wouldnt have to deal with my breakdowns/spend money on my worthless ass
my boyfriend would finally be able to date someone who makes him happy and doesn’t bum him out
everyone else honestly would probably be glad that they didnt have to worry about me hanging around
i have no one to talk to without worrying that i’m just gonna bring them down too
and if i even dare to mention suicide to someone they always say ‘well how about how i’d feel??’
my entire goddamn life i have had to worry about other people before myself or else i could accidentally upset them and i was programmed to feel bad about every. little. thing i ever did to inconvenience someone
for once i want to be selfish and just not exist

lol this is dumb but i just wanna bitch like always but not to someone who’s going to make me feel worse because i’m ‘hurting their feelings’ by talking about my own

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