i think all the people in my life truly dont care about me
sure they’re there when im ok
but they freak out on me and abandon me/guilt me when i go into a deep depressive state
if there was an easier way to commit suicide, i would do it
i have no future, and i really dont think my death would affect anyone too long
my mother and father wouldnt have to deal with my breakdowns/spend money on my worthless a**
my boyfriend would finally be able to date someone who makes him happy and doesn’t b** him out
everyone else honestly would probably be glad that they didnt have to worry about me hanging around
i have no one to talk to without worrying that i’m just gonna bring them down too
and if i even dare to mention suicide to someone they always say ‘well how about how i’d feel??’
my entire goddamn life i have had to worry about other people before myself or else i could accidentally upset them and i was programmed to feel bad about every. little. thing i ever did to inconvenience someone
for once i want to be selfish and just not exist
lol this is dumb but i just wanna b**** like always but not to someone who’s going to make me feel worse because i’m ‘hurting their feelings’ by talking about my own
