I’m sitting in my room wasting time. I have a comfortable life that I am throwing away, waiting for death, afraid of life, and yet desperate to live it to the fullest without knowing how. I have stopped believing in a universal morality, though, similarly, I would like to. I would like to believe that there is a purpose to existence, that eternal justice and peace are possible, that happiness is something that can be attained once and for all, that one day I will break out of this cycle of cynical misery, but I.. don’t know if I can. I don’t want to think about myself as ‘depressed’ because that would be a disservice to people who are truly depressed, the ones who lose their loved ones, their children, the people who experience the horrors of war… I don’t have any reason to feel the way they do, other than seeing how many different attitudes to life there are, and being unable to agree them all. How can I believe in objective universal knowledge when humans are so easy to manipulate, when sexual success has become a condition of self-worth. A deep, complete disinterest in everything is taking root within me and I want to fight it, I do, but I don’t know how, so I mindlessly scroll through my social media, refresh it 10 times an hour, go to the same websites, read the same articles, play the same video games, watch the same shows, day after day after day after day, until eventually I will be dead. I have no reason to live other than my family, whom I love dearly and would not want to hurt at any cost.

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