You are the reason why I am depressed.
I waited everyday for you to come back, just to see you and talk to you, and sometimes it really kills me seeing you getting devoured by negativity, and sometimes I feel you might not realize you are giving off a radius of negative vibe. Each time i tried staying positive, but alas each is a failure. Nothing in return to tell how can I give you hope and positivity, instead you crushed mine. My dreams, imaginations, inspirations, they were all ignored or disregarded by your logic. I respect your logic but if you keep trying to see everything in the way you’re used to, then you will never be happy. You will never feel inspired, you will never grow further and you will never feel wonderous. I have been trying to make you come into my world, dreams and fantasies, but I’ve always felt shut out. Disregarded. Lonely. Laughed at, joked at. The reason why I shared at first because I wanted to talk more and maybe you had dreams, fantasies, your own world, what would your world looks like. Forest? Sea? I do feel hurt at times but I tried to shut myself out. You told me I was different and interesting, I was such because of my world, dreams and fantasies, I feel like i’ve sunk alone in my abundance of imagination, it’s killing me. Nobody to share with, because everyone is too busy with common days activities, no refreshing inspiration, no new perspective of life, nobody daydreams anymore and have moments of realization, everyone died.
Honestly, as day passes, I can’t seem to know where i’m heading, I feel i’m beginning to see the truth. I don’t know if the more i know you, is it the true image of you or is it because of the environment. I hope you know I do wait everyday for you. It kills me when you get frustrated, negative. I am getting more and more unhappy, every time we play a game, you take things too seriously, I understand it is your hobby, I waited all day long, just as you do, and I just felt crushed when you were willing to quit your game because of s***** teammates. It’s not fun, Can’t we just enjoy, maybe it was the way I brought up, games are not different than sports team. You will end up with teammates that are slow, new, and most of all, a teammate like yourself who yells at everyone and quit because everyone is not your level. Honestly, I didn’t like your kind the most, because it was just too much negative, it was really tough dealing teammates like you, but I not once quit or gave up just because of s***** teammates, I kept going because if nobody can do good, then you should try your best and do your part, that’s it. Simple. I understand we grew up viewing things differently, but honestly, sometimes when I spend time with you, I wanted to relieve stress, sometimes it ended up more stress. I understand it’s just games, i’m frustrated it’s something to enjoy, it always turns out so stressful.
I wouldn’t want to break up, but are we even capable?
You told me last time I was negative, now you are what was me, I tried my best being positive, but I have always got crushed. Sometimes I just feel everything is too much, I don’t know what to do, I just want everything to stop. You did so many things that I did, that you didn’t like. People made fun of you, you yelled and took a piss on them. But when I was in your position, you told me to ignore and not worth of my time. How come you don’t do the same as you told me to? Why can’t you be the person of your words. Whenever I let out feelings, does it even matter? Or is it just a dreadful event, it passes and pretend nothing happen? Sometimes. I don’t know what’s your true solid bone.
I admitted I was childish and i would do anything to improve, you have immaturity in you too. I know this is all painful to read, I’m sorry, I know you will feel down, isolate yourself, you will talk about your problems and issues, I know they affect you, I don’t intend to hurt you, it’s just that I need you to know I wanted to connect with you more deeply, give you support, make you more positive as a person, I wanna chill and enjoy with you, but recently everything is just too hectic, downright depressing, and crushed. I don’t see a point ranting out, because honestly I really do feel unimportant, unappreciated and useless.
