Storytime. I had a best friend who was madly in love with her bf. One time, I went to hotbox in my car, and he followed me. I shared the joint, and he tried to do that thing where you share a smoke via lips. Basically, a kiss with smoke. I refused. I didn’t tell my friend, because I didn’t want to hurt her. Flash forward a few weeks, I start drinking daily with him, while we are all hanging out. He still hits on me, but I rebuff his advances. He falls back into meth and I start doing meth. He hits on me, and I try to resist, but I kind of give in. Kind of. Like I touched him s******* briefly, because he wouldn’t shut the f*** up. I flirt back. I am still resistant, though. One night, we are smoking a cig, and he tries to ge time to blow him, I don’t do it. He manhandles me, and makes me have s** him with. I like him and he is very good looking, so I don’t realize he is basically forcing me to have s** with him. After that, I was very much in my feelings and talked romantically to him. I got mad when he flirted with other girls. I had romantic text exchanges. My best friend finds out and justifiably gets pissed and breaks it off with me. Still dates him, though. My best friend and this f****** b**** who legit seduced him and still had the audacity to yell at me, confront me. I acknowledge the fuckedupness and apologize profusely. To this day, though, she doesn’t know how much I resisted and how hard he pursued. How he would touch me, when I refused him. She doesn’t know that a month after he would try to call me and I said, “no.” She doesn’t know that one time he masturbated on the phone, when I said absolutely nothing s***** and just tried to get him off the phone.

I totally recognize what I did was unforgivable, but it does bother me that I’m made out to be some evil w****, when I did try to do the right thing. I never told her any of this, because I didn’t want to hurt her. How ironic that I gave her the biggest pain of all, because of my silence. He still tries to contact me, sometimes. I have told her about that.

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