Long long ago me ands some others thought having goth girlfriends etc would be awesome. The fantasies, the limerence, the crushes, it all happened. Then we grew up and I realized that liking someone simply because of some specific trait was somehow wrong. Then I realized how hard relationships were. Then I realized how bad I was at them, a total beginner. Then I stopped giving a s*** about relationships and just wanted to be alone. I started feeling kind of crazy and wished I could go back to believing love was some fantastic thing that would last the same way it does in movies, just so I could feel something. I don’t feel much right now. It’s like I beat on myself so much over time for having feelings about anyone for any reason that i don’t have anymore feelings. The dream is dead, reality beat the crap out of it. And now I just feel like I did something wrong by feeling the way I did. It’s frustrating. Did I do something wrong?
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Well that’s the thing about relationships: it is hard and every relationship is a beginner’s course because we’re all getting to know each other. No one is perfect at maintaining a relationship, it’s about realizing what you might want in a partner and how much you want to invest in it. It’s ok to feel like being alone too. It takes time to think and know what you, as an individual, want for themselves. Reality always beats the dream, but doesn’t necessarily kill it. The dream just alters and changes to fit in our reality. Like I always wanted to date someone who was 6 feet, athletic, all American high school hero. What I got instead was an average height, well rounded, high school misfit. He wasn’t what I wanted, but he was so much better than my dream man: he was my best friend. Life can work in some wonderful ways
No, you didn’t do anything wrong. The reason I say that you didn’t and will firmly say that you didn’t is because its a human instinct. When we see a trait in someone that we find interesting, different, or new to what we’ve seen or thought of our minds latch onto that trait. Making us then look for that specific trait in someone to live them and compare others.