Long long ago me ands some others thought having goth girlfriends etc would be awesome. The fantasies, the limerence, the crushes, it all happened. Then we grew up and I realized that liking someone simply because of some specific trait was somehow wrong. Then I realized how hard relationships were. Then I realized how bad I was at them, a total beginner. Then I stopped giving a s*** about relationships and just wanted to be alone. I started feeling kind of crazy and wished I could go back to believing love was some fantastic thing that would last the same way it does in movies, just so I could feel something. I don’t feel much right now. It’s like I beat on myself so much over time for having feelings about anyone for any reason that i don’t have anymore feelings. The dream is dead, reality beat the crap out of it. And now I just feel like I did something wrong by feeling the way I did. It’s frustrating. Did I do something wrong?