I’m so tired. I think I’m having another hypomanic phase. I want sex all the time. I’ve started wandering the internet like I used to, just to feel desired and maybe have someone talk dirty to me. I don’t know why I can’t talk to my significant other about any of this. I don’t know why I hide things from him and lie to him. I don’t know why I lie to myself. I want to be kidnapped by a Dom and made to submit. I want to not have to worry about my lack of domestic, time management, organization, focus, life skills. I need a break from my lovely children. I need a break from planning and cooking dinner. I need a break from me regretting my past. I need a break from regretting not living. I need a break from flinching when I drive past a church. I need a break from feeling like a failure at everything. I wish I could just fade away and die, but I can’t leave my kids without a mom. It’s not fair that they have to grow up with a useless mom. I wish I had someone to talk to about this.
