• 5 months ago
  • 0 0

I have clinical depression. I am an childhood abuse survivor and my scars are deep. So I needless to say have certain issues. My ex knew this. Yet completely disregarded it because she was a rape survivor. She never once tried to understand that I wasn’t always mentally sound. That I sometimes had outbursts. That I was trying to work through it. Especially for her. Nope the only thing she ever saw was my negatives. Which is funny considering I did my best to look past hers. I tried to understand her trauma and to better myself for her sake. But I had set backs. I had to basically change who I was in a fundamental level. Which is hard for someone who doesn’t have issues to do let alone someone that psychological problems. She acted like I never tried. That I was just completely selfish. The amount of times I went out of my way for her speaks to the contrary. The amount of times I was awoken at 3am because she was having an episode. The amount of times I drove to her college just to call her down and loose all my sleep and still goto work. I put in a lot of effort and care. It was just never enough. And when she put me on eggshells I crumbled. I didn’t know how to handle potentially losing her and I went down a rabbit hole. One that I couldn’t recover from. Because she was so narrow minded. She would never let me explain things. I loved this girl with all my heart and the only thing I have to show for it is a jaded view on relationships and trust issues. As she cheated on me several times during the last few weeks of our relationship. I’m drunk right now and all I have to say is this. Wherever you are, I hope you’ve found peace. I’m still looking for mine. And I really would wish that you’d talk to me. So that maybe I could have closure and move on. But I guess I’ll never get that moment of clarity…

All Comments

  • Your always going to be a victim

    Anonymous January 13, 2019 4:50 am Reply
  • Then stop identifying as one!!!

    Anonymous January 13, 2019 4:50 am Reply
    • youre disgusting. you cant just “stop” identifying as a victim of abuse. its something that happened in the past and you really cant just forget about it. obviously you dont understand that.

      Anonymous January 13, 2019 5:27 am Reply
    • Whoever you are know this, I have tried to kill myself on three separate occasions. Each time something happened and there was intervention denying my suicide. I once hung myself and before I lost conciousness the cable I used snapped. I borrowed a gun and it jammed. I swallowed enough pills to kill an elephant and I was found and had my stomach pumped. I wanted to fucking die you asshole. Some days I still do. You have no fucking idea of the ordeals that I have gone through. You think this is a fucking game? Do you think that I like being this way? Newsflash idiot, I don’t. I wish I could just fucking forget and move on with my life. I’d give anything in this world to know what internal peace feels like. Next time you decide to be an ass, use your brain to think before you act. Just because you didn’t go through it, doesn’t give you the right to assume things. You try forgetting being beaten and psychologically tortured all the while being locked inside your room your entire childhood then fucking step to me you little bitch.

      Anonymous January 15, 2019 4:07 am Reply

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