I have clinical depression. I am an childhood abuse survivor and my scars are deep. So I needless to say have certain issues. My ex knew this. Yet completely disregarded it because she was a r*** survivor. She never once tried to understand that I wasn’t always mentally sound. That I sometimes had outbursts. That I was trying to work through it. Especially for her. Nope the only thing she ever saw was my negatives. Which is funny considering I did my best to look past hers. I tried to understand her trauma and to better myself for her sake. But I had set backs. I had to basically change who I was in a fundamental level. Which is hard for someone who doesn’t have issues to do let alone someone that psychological problems. She acted like I never tried. That I was just completely selfish. The amount of times I went out of my way for her speaks to the contrary. The amount of times I was awoken at 3am because she was having an episode. The amount of times I drove to her college just to call her down and loose all my sleep and still goto work. I put in a lot of effort and care. It was just never enough. And when she put me on eggshells I crumbled. I didn’t know how to handle potentially losing her and I went down a rabbit hole. One that I couldn’t recover from. Because she was so narrow minded. She would never let me explain things. I loved this girl with all my heart and the only thing I have to show for it is a jaded view on relationships and trust issues. As she cheated on me several times during the last few weeks of our relationship. I’m drunk right now and all I have to say is this. Wherever you are, I hope you’ve found peace. I’m still looking for mine. And I really would wish that you’d talk to me. So that maybe I could have closure and move on. But I guess I’ll never get that moment of clarity…

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