So ends another Yearly Jeffers Family Christmas and what I want now is 12 Days of Therapy after the insanity that ensued. We were having dinner and Bob kept farting and then he s*** his pants and then went over to Santa to ask Santa to Wipe his A** for him. Santa asked Bob to pull his pants down and Santa took toilet paper to wipe Bob’s dirty a** as My Boss said Glad it wasn’t me this time. Then another Santa shows up named Fred who was drunk, Barefoot, and was walking around in Women’s Underwear as he then puts his bare goot up Bob’s A** and wipe his foot in Bob’s A** and then smells his f****** feet in front of everyone. Then Fred went over to a pole and began to pole dance and strip off his Santa Suit wearing a pair of p****** and then he took the p****** off and threw them at My Boss as now he was wearing a thong will bells at the crotch. Fred then took a Candy Cane and gave himself a b****** and smelling his nasty s*** covered feet was making him harder. My Boss was mad as Hell as he threw the p****** off of him and then Fred went over and put his foot on his palte and began to lick potato salad off of his foot and then my Boss began to case Fred all over the party with Fred running into the restroom barefoot to everyone’s disgust. However my Boss was nearly ran over because here comes Road Warrior Drag wearing facepaint, spiked shoulder pads, pantyhose, and high heels roars into the party and then crashes his motorcycle into the food table. Fred than got pissed because George AKA crashed through the table and caused food to go everywhere and Jim told Jerry at least nobody has to get food poisoning from eating his s***** deviled eggs. Jerry got pissed and threw an egg at Jim and then they started throwing hands getting into a fist fight at the party. My Father in Law tried to break them up but they were fighting on top of a dinning table and throwing food at eachother and then the table collapsed from the weight of all three of them causing food and wine to spill everywhere. Then a Pool was being filled with Egg Nog as here comes Jennifer and Kimberly dressed as Santas ready to jump into the egg nog to Wrestle. Kimberly and Jennifer were arguing over their boyfriends and who looked better as Kimberly hit Jennifer with a Gingerbread House and Jennifer smashed the fruit cake on Kimberly and then proceeded to b**** slap her and then the two pulled eachother’s hair, b**** slapped eachother and fell into the Egg Nog. Then Chad was wearing his green and red briefs and candy cane stripped socks as he started to head spin dance in his underwear. Then Banana Man started singing “IT’S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME” on a table and dancing with bananas in a banana thong, stuffing a banana in his thong and giving himself a b****** with a banana. Then Chad put his smelly socked feet in Banana’s Man’s face and instead of fighting Banana man sniffed Chad’s socks and then Chad took his foot and smoshed the Banana on Banana Man’s crotch and gave him a Foot Job with a F****** Banana. Then Banana Man took Chad’s left sock off, and put his smooshed up banana between his toes and began sucking Chad’s toes and then cummed all over the serving table. Then Steven showed up and hit Chad with a VHS Tape and Banana Man with a VHS Tape shouting “HE HIT HIM WITH A VIDEO.” He was accompanied by The Dewey Brothers, The Heely Brothers, S** Sugar, CheckMate, Hang Ten, Gary Mercury, Pimp Dawg, Freddy Flash, and Will Wonderful bringing out Tables, Ladders, and Chairs. The Videomaster challenged Finn Wolfhard, Logan Kim, Gaten Matarazzo, Noah Schnapp, Caleb McGloughin, Joe Keery, Asher Angel, Jack Dylan Grazer, Georgie Farmer, and Moosa Mosafa to a rematch from War Games this time it’s TABLES, LADDERS, AND CHAIRS. Then they all arrive with Tables, Ladders, and Chairs but they had two new additions Timothee Chalamet and Chandler Riggs. Now let’s turn the commentary over to Jim Ross and Jerry The King Lawler. “Good Evening and Happy Holidays Folks Good Old J,R, and The King to call the Action of the Jeffers Family Christmas Party and now the rematch from War Games this time it’s TABLES, LADDERS, AND CHAIRS OH MY.” “We’ve Seen Kimberly and Jennifer get down and dirty in the egg nog, we’ve seen Santa walking around in Women’s Underwear, and now we’re getting TABLES, LADDERS, AND CHAIRS OH MY as the Backyard Boneheads battle The Hollywood Cruiserweights.” The Bell Rings and both sides charged at eachother leading to an all out brawl all over the party. The Heely Brothers of Drew and Lee and took exchanged chair shots with the Shazam Brothers of Asher and Jack but not before Gary Mercury and Hang Ten took a ladder rammed it into the heads of Asher and Jack and set up the ladder. Then Caleb McGlaughin takes a chair and whacks Drew Heely with Gaten Matarazzo climbing up the ladder and then did a flying press on top of the Heely Brothers, Asher Angel, Jack Dylan Grazer, Caleb McGlaughin, Gary Mercury, and Hang Ten. “BAH GAWD KING Gaten Matarazzo risking life and limb to get the win.” “Well JR he doesn’t seem to be mourning for Eddie Munson anymore he’s moved on.” “Unlike you and your ex wives?” “Really JR?” Chandler Riggs and Noah Schnapp are setting up a table but here comes Checkmate using a checkers board to hit Noah Shnapp with but Chandler Riggs with the Steel Chair Checkmates Checkmate. But The Dewey Brothers are about to deliver the Dewey Driver to Chandler Riggs through a table but Georgie Farmer makes the save alongside Moosa Mosafa with a Ladder. But that’s not the only brawl that took place as it’s time for the Santa Rumble. Tim Allen arrived as Santa and then next came out Tom Hanks as Santa as Buzz Lightyear and Woody started to Wrestle Eachother. Then the next entrant arrived being Bruce Willis to say Yippie Kayie and yes DIE HARD IS A CHRISTMAS MOVIE. John McClaine, Scott Clien, and The Conductor fro mthe Polar Express were Wrestling eachother while Teen Actors and Backyard Wrestlers were destroying the party. The Videomaster then took a VHS Tape and smashed Georgie Farmer in the head as Moosa sized him up only for the Heely Brothers to smash him with a double chair shot. “A Conchairto shot to the had of Moosa Moosafa, that boy’s got to have a concussion. The Fourth Entrant in the Santa Rumble arrived it’s Daniel Stern Marv of the Wet Bandits and he brought the Paint Cans and an Iron and looking for revenge on Macaully Culkin. 4 Celeberites from Christmas Movies were Wrestling at the Christmaws Party but you know who else was? Jim and Jerry who’s brawl spiraled into the restroom as Fred was washing his bare feet in the toilet after taking a s*** and then started to smel lhis f****** feet with each flush. Finn Wolfhard and Logan Kim are now armed with a ladder and charged at the Heely Brothers knocking them down and set up a ladder next to another one set up. Finn and Logan climbed up the Ladders to impersonate The Hardy Boyz that is until the Videomaster Hit Finn Wolfhard in the back of his knee with a VHS Tape. “HE HIT HIM WITH A VIDEO HE HIT HIM WITH A VIDEO. BAH GAWD The Videomaster just hit Finn Wolfhard’s knee with a VHS Tape. The Videomaster then Grabbed Finn’s Leg and hung on the ladder like Spiderman grapevining Finn’s Wolfhard’s Leg. Georgie hands Logan a chair as Logan does something risky to save his best friend as Logan Kim jumps off the ladder holding the chair and nails the Videomaster with a drop kick releasing his grip on Finn’s leg. “Logan Kim risking life and limb for his best friend.” Finn limps off the ladder to come to Logan’s aid only to get speared by PimpDawg who takes his cane and then whacks Georgie Farmer in the head. Entrant Number 5 in the Santa Rumble Arrives it’s Ed O’ Niel Al Bundy himself who scored 4 touchdowns in 1 game ready to rock as he balled up his fists and goes Al Bundy on Tim Allen, Tom Hanks, Bruce Willis, and Daniel Stern. Here comes Timothee Chalamet armed with a Kendo Stick challenges PimpDawg’s Cane. “Timothee Chalamet was at ECW ONe Night Stand he’s channeling his inner Sandman and Tommy Dreamer.” “Timothee Chalamet should learn to watch real wrestlnig not that Extremly Crappy Wrestling.” Timothee Chalamet swung his Kendo Stick at PimpDawg’s Pimp Cane as it became a sword fight with foreign objects. The 6th entrant in the Santa Rumble is Reginald Vel Johnson who teams with Bruce Willis looking to make this a Die Hard Battle Royal and also if Jaleel White shows up lay an a** whooping on him. However Reginald throws Bruce Willis over the Top Rope eliminating Bruce Willis and then asked “Did I Do That?” Then a paint can meant to hit Daniel Stern misses and causes Reginald Vel Johnson to fall over the top rope and get eliminated. Jaleel White swung the can and asked “Did I Do That?” as Reginald gets up and chases Jaleel all over the party. However Reginald Vel Johnson gets whacked with a ladder carried by Asher Angel and Jack Dylan Grazer who then asked eachother? “Did We Do That?” Then Reginald Vel Johnson gets up only to get hit with a Video by the Videomaster. “HE HIT HIM WITH A VIDEO, HE HIT HIM WITH A VIDEO, THE VIDEOMASTER JUST NAILED CARL WINSLOW WITH A VIDEO.” Asher and Jack then rammed the ladder into the Videomaster knocking him into George’s Motorcycle as he now recovered from his embarassing crash. “Don’t hit my ride…..ah.” George was knocked over by Jim and Jerry who were still fighting eachother now they were both fighting in their underwear and were throwing food at eachother as they then knocked Joe Keery into the Egg nog with Jennifer and Kim,berly rolling on top of him. “WOOOHOOOO PUPPIES JR, I WISH I WAS JOE KEERY.” “Calm Down King keep your hands o nthe commentary table please as we continue this slobberknocker. Gaten Matarazzo tries to help Joe out of the pool only for The Videomaster to clock Gaten Matarazzo and causing him to fall in the pool and on top of Jennifer and Kimberly. “HE HIT HIM WITH A VIDEO, HE HIT HIM WITH A VIDEO.” “Get that toothless twerp out of the egg nog.” Next Entrant in the Santa Rumble Number 7 is Billy Bob Thornton AKA Bad Santa who swings his bag at Tom Hanks and causes him to fall over the top rope eliminating Tom Hanks. Then Bad Santa squared off and exchanged fists with Ed O’ Niel it was Al Bundy Vs Bad Santa duking it out. Meanwhile Noah Schnapp and Caleb Mcglaughing were getting Gaten out of the Egg Nog and helped Joe Keery up but then S** Sugar brabs Gaten and puts him in a Torture Rack. Caleb and Noah then take Kendo sticks and whack S** Sugar in the gut with Kendo Sticks as they then channeled their inner Dudley Boyz. “CALEB GET THE TABLES.” Caleb and Noah get the tables and look to deliver a 3D to S** Sugar through a table however The Dewey Brothers armed with 2 by 4 boards would attack Caleb and Noah and then Will Wonderful confronts Will Byers. “I Am the 10th Wonder of the World while you look like a rejected third stooge.” “What’s so wonderful about you, wearing your mom’s shower curtain with christmas lights doesn’t make you wonderful.” Will Wonderful and Noah Schnapp traded punches as Dustin Dewey nailed Gaten Matarazzo withh a 2 By 4 and Cody Dewet was choking Caleb McGlughin with his board. Next Entrant in the Santa Rumble Number 8 is David Harbour dressed like Santa from Violent Night as he and Billy Bob Thornton locked eyes and the fight was on. David Harbour and Billy Bob Thornton eliminated eachother by throwing themselves over the top rope but they were braswling like Jim and Jerry still were as now they were fighting in the direction of Chandler Riggs exchanging chair whacks with Gary Mercury. Meanwhile The Dewey Brothers take out a bag of thumbtacks and dump the thumbtacks on a table while Noah Schnapp and Will Wonderful were climbing up a nearby ladder. Will Wonderful smacked Noah Schnapp in the head with a chair and then gave Noah a Wonderplex off of the ladder and put him through a table as Noah Schnapp’s back was stuck with thumbtacks. “GOOD GOD ALIGHTY KING. THAT KID IS BROKEN IN HALF,” “That’s not all JR, he’s got Thumbtacks all over his back.” Number 9 in the Santa Rumble enters it’s Bryan Cranston dressed as Santa. Malcolm it’s Time to Cook as he enters the ring and now a brawl with Ed O’ Niel yes Hal Wilkerson and Al Bundy were brawling as well as David Harbour and Billy Bob Thornton. This whole party has went off the rails. Then Bob s*** his pants again and he asked my Boss to wipe his a** for him. My Boss takes Bob to the restroom to wipe his a** for him and then Fred emerges fro mthe restroom and puts his foot inside Bob’s a** to wipe and My Boss looked at Fred and began to attack him as Fred then fought back as fred and My Boss were having a bathroom brawl while Bob had his pants down. Then The Heely Brothers brawled with Moosa Mosafa and Georgie Farmer as Drew Heely shoves Moosa’s face up Bob’s B***’s giving him a personal stinkface and then Lee dunks Georgie’s head in the toilet filled with Fred’s turds and toenails. Then Fred exits the restroom to smell his feet in front of everyone as he then sees my co workers Julie and Kara as he licks his finger tips, rubs his n****** and swivels his hips and ask them to get on his lap and tell him what they want for Christmas. Julie and Kara both kick Fred in his Jingle Balls as he stumbles towards the Egg Nog table as Fred put his foot in the Egg Nog and began to lick egg nog off of his feet as Chandler Riggs dumped the Egg Nog on Freddie Flash’s head only to get hit with an explosive VHS Tape a firecracker duct taped to a VHS Tape. The Videomaster then told Fred have at him as Fred began to pull off Chandler Riggs’s shoes and started to sniff his socked feet. I then took a VHS Tape and smashed Fred upside thew head and knocked him to the floor as the elves came to drag Fred’s drunk, half naked a** out of the party. “SHE HIT HIM WITH A VIDEO, SHE HIT HIM WITHA VIDEO.” “The Elves are dragging Fred out of here this is hillarious JR.” Then the final entrant in the Santa Rumble. BILL GOLDBERG. Everyone Chanted GOLDBERG GOLDBERG as he came through a fireworks display and speared both Billy Bob Thornton and David Harbour. Then he speared Reginald Veljohnson who just got up to look for Jaleel White. Then he gets in the ring and starts eliminating everyone left in the ring Tim Allen, Ed O’ Niel, Bryan Cranston. He then spears Daniel Stern and attempts to eliminate him but Bret Hart shows up to eliminate Bret Hart. “THAT DAMN BRET HART ELIMINATED BILL GOLDBERG. DAMN BRET TO HELL.” “He can’t let go of Starrcade 1999 guess what Bret you deserved that kick from Bill Goldberg. Bill Goldberg is pissed as he spears Bret Hart and proceeds to beat the Hell out of him. Meanwhile Daniel Stern is the last man standing but there’s a late entry as a paint can hits Daniel in the head and Macaully Culkin shows up to eliminate his long time nemesis to win the Santa Rumble. “The Winner of the Santa Rumble Macaully Culkin.” Macaully Culkin celebrated as he then saw The Videomaster putting the now sock cladded Chandler Riggs in a Sharpshooter. Then Asher Angel and Jack Dylan Grazer hit the Videomaster with a Conchairto to the Videomaster and then placed him on a table. They then tried to climb a ladder only to get hit with chairs by te Heely Brothers who laid Asher and Jack on a table as Gary Mercury climbed on top of the balcony. “GOOD GOD ALIGHTY KING GARY MERCURY IS ON THAT BALCONY, DON’T DO IT, YOU’LL REGRET IT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.” “HE’S CRAZY JR.” Gary Mercury jumps off the balcano and body press splashes Asher and Jack through the table. “GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY, HE KILLED THEM. AS GOD AS MY WITNESS THEY ARE BROKEN IN HALF. GOOD GOD WOULD SOMEBODY STOP THE DAMN MATCH.” The Videomaster then took two VHS Tapes with firecrackers duct taped to them and light them up and smashed Asher and JAck in their heads with explosive VHS Tapes. Then Finn Wolfhard delievers a Superkick to the Videomaster despite his bad knee. Logan Kim by his side as the Ghostbuster Boys were ready to end this match as they placed the Videomaster on a table but Dustin Dewey hit Finn right in his bad knee and Drew Heely hits Logan Kim with a chair. The Videomaster took a cinder block and laid Logan Kim’s head on the cinder block and then took a VHS Tape with a firecracker duct taped to it, duct taped to a chair as Cody Dewey and Lee Heley held Finn Wolfhard on his knees to negotiate a surrender. “Surrender Finn, we’ll blow your little buddy up to where he never will act again a day in his life.” Finn had tears in his eyes because he loves Logan like a brother and then told them take him not Logan. The Videomaster laughed but then Logan Kim got up and punched The Videomaster in the nuts with a low blow. The two knew The Videomaster would try that again and they got the Videomaster good as Joe Keery dumped a trash can over The Videomaster’s head as Finn and Logan lit up the firecrackers and slammed the chairs for a conchairto with the trashcan over the videomaster’s head and the VHS Tapes exploding upon impact. Joe, Gaten, and caleb laid The Videomaste on a table as both Finn Wolfhard and Logan Kim climed the ladders and imitated the Hardy Boyz with Finn doing a Swanton Bomb and Logan doing a Frog Splash putting The Videomaster through a table. Joe Keery lays on top of The Videomaster as the Referee Counted “1….2…..3.” “DING DING DING” The Winners of Tables, Ladders, & Chairs the team of Finn Wolfhard, Logan Kim, Gaten Matarazzo, Joe Keery, Caleb McGloughin, Noah Schnapp, Asher Angel, Jack Dylan Grazer, Timothee Chalamet, Chandler Riggs, Moosa Mostafa, and Georgie Farmer. The Young Actor group were battered, beaten but their arms were raised as Macaullly Culkin celebrated with them. “The Kids did it, they won Tables, Ladders, and Chairs OH My.” “They’ll never be the same after getting the hell beat out of him. JR Look at this Bill Goldberg has got Bret Hart up fora Jackhammer through a table. “Reap what you sow Bret.” Jim and Jerry are still fighting as are Kimberly and Jennifer as a food fight then broke out. “BAH GAWD KING, a Food Fight has broken out.,” “JR This is the greatest Christmas Party Ever.” “Well folks this has been Good Old JR and Jerry The King Lawler signing off from the Christmas Party from Hell. Good Night Everybody. Merry Christmas You Filthy Animals and a Happy New Year.