• 4 years ago
  • 250 Views

Macs. I love you. I love you so f****** much. Why can’t you see that I do? Just because I don’t clean the house every day? Or cook dinner every night? I’m sorry. I do love you, Macs. I’m sorry I broke your glasses. I’m sorry I kicked you in the face, and put my hands on you. I’m sorry I threw your family situation in your face. I deserve everything you say to me, you don’t deserve the mean things I said to you. I wish I could tell you something to make you feel better about my past. I don’t know what I can say, other than that that’s not the real me. Drugs don’t justify most things, but do you really think I would have done the things I did otherwise? Macs, that was not a good time in my life. I feel worthless, and disgusting, and dirty already. I wish you believed me when I say that that’s not the life I want nor did I enjoy that life style. All I can say though is that I’m not going to do those things. I’m not gonna go trick, I’m not gonna go use heroin, I’m not gonna go cheat on you. I wanted a real chance at a real relationship without having side pieces brought into it. I wanted a relationship where we can look past each other’s pasts. I love you, Macs. I want to be perfect for you. I want you to actually love me. But you don’t, and I don’t know if you ever really did. I think you just loved the idea of being with someone so much, you just jumped into this relationship without thinking if I really am what you want, and I think that now that the honeymoon phase wore off, and you see me for what I was, you realize that I’m not what you want. I love you, Macs. I’m so sorry that I stomped in your head and kicked you in the face and punched you and broke your glasses. I don’t want to go, but I guess I have to. You don’t love me anymore. And after what I did to you, I can’t even look you in the face. I love you, Macs. I love you so much. Please don’t kill yourself.

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