I’m drunk and bored, so here’s a chronological list of every girl I’ve ever fucked.  All names have been changed to initials because whatever. 

01.  L G
– HER AGE (at the time): 15
– HEIGHT: 5’0″
– BODY TYPE: thin
– PROS: short & thin, always h****
– CONS: loose p****, bad oral skills

02.  J J
– HER AGE (at the time): 14
– HEIGHT: 5’4″
– BODY TYPE: thin
– PROS: perfect t***, flawless body from the neck down
– CONS: a face that looks like it’s been hit by a truck

03.  C W
– HER AGE (at the time): 16
– HEIGHT: 5’3″
– BODY TYPE: thin
– PROS: really nice t***
– CONS: only got to hit it once

04.  M V
– HER AGE (at the time): 20
– HEIGHT: 5’2″
– BODY TYPE: chubby
– PROS: good oral skills, likes to swallow
– CONS: kinda fat, wouldn’t f*** without a condom

05.  C H
– HER AGE (at the time): 17
– HEIGHT: 5’9″
– BODY TYPE: thick
– PROS: always swallows
– CONS: doesn’t like her t*** played with

06.  A S
– HER AGE (at the time): 15
– HEIGHT: 5’8″
– BODY TYPE: thin
– PROS: s*** as f***, nice t***, always h****
– CONS: not loyal at all

07.  K T
– HER AGE (at the time): 17
– HEIGHT: 5’5″
– BODY TYPE: thin
– PROS: nice thin body
– CONS: bad oral skills, wouldn’t f*** without a condom

08.  H S
– HER AGE (at the time): 21
– HEIGHT: 5’4″
– BODY TYPE: thick
– PROS: likes creampies, can’t get preggo
– CONS: kind of a b****

09.  G A
– HER AGE (at the time): 17
– HEIGHT: 5’4″
– BODY TYPE: chubby
– PROS: let me c** inside her
– CONS: weird about giving head

10.  A G
– HER AGE (at the time): 16
– HEIGHT: 5’3″
– BODY TYPE: thin
– PROS: nice t***, slender body, really slutty
– CONS: bad oral skills, really slutty

11.  C K
– HER AGE (at the time): 16
– HEIGHT: 5’6″
– BODY TYPE: chubby
– PROS: gorgeous face, eager to please
– CONS: kinda fat, bad oral skills, wouldn’t f*** without a condom

12.  J B
– HER AGE (at the time): 21
– HEIGHT: 5’4″
– BODY TYPE: chubby
– PROS: always swallows
– CONS: kinda dim-witted and childish

13.  A R
– HER AGE (at the time): 16
– HEIGHT: 5’3″
– BODY TYPE: thick
– PROS: gorgeous face, always h****, likes creampies
– CONS: too emo for my taste

14.  B B
– HER AGE (at the time): 16
– HEIGHT: 5’2″
– BODY TYPE: thin
– PROS: gorgeous face, nice body, perky t*** with perfect n******, tight p****, always h****, likes to send nudes
– CONS: only got to hit it once

15.  M L
– HER AGE (at the time): 33
– HEIGHT: 5’5″
– BODY TYPE: thick
– PROS: likes creampies
– CONS: massive saggy b****

16.  M B
– HER AGE (at the time): 19
– HEIGHT: 5’9″
– BODY TYPE: thick
– PROS: always h****, really slutty
– CONS: really slutty

17.  A C
– HER AGE (at the time): 23
– HEIGHT: 5’0″
– BODY TYPE: thin
– PROS: nice thin body, but thick in the right places, really tight p****, likes to pose n***
– CONS: only gets h**** like once every couple of weeks

18.  I S
– HER AGE (at the time): 27
– HEIGHT: 5’0″
– BODY TYPE: chubby
– PROS: good oral skills, always h****
– CONS: kinda fat, doesn’t swallow

19.  D F
– HER AGE (at the time): 24
– HEIGHT: 5’3″
– BODY TYPE: slightly thick
– PROS: awesome t***, tight p****
– CONS: bad oral skills, kinda weird in general

20.  E W
– HER AGE (at the time): just turned 18
– HEIGHT: 5’7″
– BODY TYPE: thick
– PROS: pretty face, really nice perfect n******
– CONS: loose p****, bad oral skills

21.  A M
– HER AGE (at the time): 29
– HEIGHT: 5’2″
– BODY TYPE: chubby
– PROS: likes creampies, always h****
– CONS: not loyal

22.  J S
– HER AGE (at the time): 22
– HEIGHT: 5’9″
– BODY TYPE: thick
– PROS: always h****
– CONS: doesn’t give head

23.  A O
– HER AGE (at the time): 28
– HEIGHT: 5’4″
– BODY TYPE: chubby
– PROS: always h****, eager to please
– CONS: loves giving head, but nowhere near as good as she thinks she is

24.  R B
– HER AGE (at the time): 36
– HEIGHT: 5’2″
– BODY TYPE: chubby
– PROS: eager to please
– CONS: kinda fat, wouldn’t f*** without a condom

25.  A D
– HER AGE (at the time): 21
– HEIGHT: 5’8″
– BODY TYPE: thick
– PROS: always h****, eager to please, likes creampies
– CONS: ugly face

26.  H K
– HER AGE (at the time): 38
– HEIGHT: 5’2″
– BODY TYPE: thin
– PROS: super h**** when she’s drunk
– CONS: doesn’t give head, really bitchy

27.  A W
– HER AGE (at the time): 30
– HEIGHT: 5’2″
– BODY TYPE: chubby
– PROS: always swallows, likes creampies
– CONS: kinda fat

28.  K B
– HER AGE (at the time): 35
– HEIGHT: 5’4″
– BODY TYPE: thick
– PROS: eager to please, tight p****, always swallows
– CONS: only got to hit it once

29.  B B
– HER AGE (at the time): 30
– HEIGHT: 5’8″
– BODY TYPE: chubby
– PROS: eager to please, great oral skills, always swallows
– CONS: kinda fat

30.  L F
– HER AGE (at the time): 37
– HEIGHT: 5’5″
– BODY TYPE: chubby
– PROS: super tight p****, great oral skills, likes creampies, always swallows, has multiple orgasms, eager to please
– CONS: massive saggy b****, kinda fat

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