I took a job three years ago to try and build a better life. This job is in the middle of nowhere. I’ve lived my life in exciting places until now.
The job isn’t producing the results that I’d dreamed of; there is no career. There is no one here to date – I’m not exaggerating: gay man in a tiny, Southern town.
I’ve actually considered getting back with my manipulative ex just to escape this place, and that makes me feel like a horrible person – I couldn’t go through with it.
It’s true what they say about your environment and how it relates to your mental health. I have tried everything that I know to be happy here, but I’m simply different than these people. They aren’t bad people (perhaps a little set in their ways), but we are fundamentally different. I’m an artist and an innovator; they are conformists and quite afraid to try something new.
I think my real confession is that I feel badly about giving up on this. I thought that I possessed the willpower to make this work, but the truth is that I don’t, and I have allowed it to transform me into a mean, sarcastic person. There is nothing wrong with quitting something that is toxic; to stay in it without good reason would be pride.
The hard part (for me) is realizing that there are limitations to what I am able to accomplish. Sometimes you have to accept that a turd cannot be polished into a gold nugget – you might give it a sheen and shine, but it is still a pile of poop at the end of the day.