I felt like I’ve been super racist for a really long time and I just want to confess. Whenever I see groups of Hispanic people come into my work my first thought is “Fucking Beaners.” The Moms always SCREAM at me for literal stuff that can be fixed in two seconds. Like getting extra ketchup or some more napkins. But these ladies SCREAM at me for literally no reason. But I always yell at myself afterward. Because they’re exactly the same as I am. Or like when African American people come in I always try to be super nice to them but I end up thinking things like “Oh my god what If I’m accidentally being racist and I don’t know it??”. But these are no good excuses. I shouldnt be thinking these racist thoughts. It’s bad and it hurts people.
I guess when I get to the nitty gritty of it I’m not racist. I just want to be treated like a Person. Like somehow when I clock in at my job I’m magically not a person anymore. I’m just some guy who works at a store that you can scream at with no repercussions. When I clock out, It’s like a magic spell happens, and these people are just normal to me again. I feel like such a bad person.
Sorry I just needed to vent.