people come on this site for many reasons. to get things off their chest, to read about other people’s problems and thoughts, to confess stupid a** s*** that they just made off the top of their heads, etc. ive been reading and confessing on this site for about 8 months now, and it doesn’t really help when i confess. i guess because it’s not an actual person i’m talking to, i’m just typing it out, but i like telling my story. i’m a random teenage girl who just so happens to have nothing to do at the moment and is bored laying down in her dark a** room because why not. i’ll list my problems to you all because like i said, i like telling my story
1) first off, i have an eating disorder. i have anorexia and im not some skeleton, i went from overweight to currently i’m at a healthy weight. but if i lose 10 pounds i’ll be at an unhealthy bmi and to me that sounds good. but that just goes with my disordered thoughts. no one in my family knows, but they do comment about my eating habits and my weight and how i need to “eat a cheeseburger” that s*** is triggering, don’t f****** say that to someone with an eating disorder. it’s not that simple to ‘just eat’ another thing, don’t say “oh well you don’t look like you have an eating disorder” i never knew how triggering that was until someone said that to me. with our sick thinking we automatically think, “we’re not sick enough” or “not skinny enough” and that leads us deeper into our restriction. just don’t.
2) another problem of mine is depression. oh it’s fun, i’ll tell ya. this came along with my eating disorder, self hatred and everything, no matter what number shows up on the scale i’m not happy with it. and every time i would go up even 0.2 pounds, i would have so much guilt and anger. ive never self harmed before, only till recently. a guy gave me a pocket knife “to protect myself” and in the end i cause harm to myself with it. the cuts are on my left thigh and there is…. counting currently, 12 visible cuts. thinking back just 2 months ago i would’ve been thinking “how in the world can people cut themselves” but now i know, so much anger and self hatred and sadness all put into one and you feel like you deserve to be punished- in my case- for gaining that 0.2 pounds, i’m worthless and it feels like anything i do i’m not good enough.
3) my anxiety. i have really bad social anxiety, a guy from school has asked me why i hide my face in the halls, and i didn’t even notice when i was doing that. there is this one specific hallway going back towards the music, art, etc and it’s really narrow and these annoying a** band kids are like a swarm and they all bump into eachother and don’t give a s***, and little me decided it would be good to take art, to ‘express myself in drawing’ so now i have to walk down that hall. i go as close to wall as i can and try to make myself as small as possible. i flinch and hate when people touch me, not everyone. my best friend can touch me and i won’t flinch but the guy i like when he lightly touches my back while walking pass me, i flinch, and i know he notices, he just doesn’t say anything.
i have a lot more s*** going on, parents arguing, dads been out of the house a lot. my dog is old and she’s my life so it’s only a matter of time. my grades were good, now they are just s*** and i don’t have enough energy to get them up.
– hope you liked reading my problems, random person.
~ random teenager

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