I feel so lost. everything’s so confusing to me and I just over analyse everything… or the amount is logical and normal. I dont know. I feel so empty sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I have no emotions.. im just there… im not happy im not sad im not really feeling anything… and then other times I just get so happy to the point where I look insane or I feel like I just want to cry and cry without stopping… I think im insane… but even that im not sure of… im not sure if im really depressed or if I really do have any mental illness at all… what if im just faking it..? Maybe im faking everything and I dont even know it because iv done it so much and for so long that I cant tell whats what? But what if I really am insane? My pills never seam to work but I don’t know if that’s just how its supposed to feel or not so I always say they work. I don’t have a crush on anyone and I haven’t before but all my friends and everyone around me seems to have had or have a crush on someone. Do I even love anyone at all? Do I really love my parents or is what I thought was love just something else? The world is so confusing and its just a labyrinth of unanswered questions, isn’t it? Maybe im not supposed to know this stuff. Maybe I never will know whats wrong with me. But still this is all so stressful and all the s*** going wrong in my life dosen’t help at all. It never dose. Even the minor things. It always feels like im responsible for everything going wrong… and I feel like I deserve all this horrible s*** because of whatever iv done. Im not sure how much of this I can take but I fear that if I don’t find the answers to all of these questions ill do something horrible… something that will always stay broken and break me further… if I even am broken… maybe this is just teenage angst like everyone’s telling me… maybe I just want affection… not like I don’t get enough… but with all the negativity it sure dosen’t feel like its enough I guess… I don’t know…

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