last night i took a bunch of xanax and drank a lot of alcohol. this has been the worst year of my life and there’s no end in sight. ive been alone before but never like this. ive felt depressed before but never like this. I’m not suicidal but I’m so reckless. i don’t want to die but i don’t care if i do. i could’ve died last night and i don’t even care.
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I was where you were 4 years ago…living on the floor on a rubber mattress belonging to a friend. No money. 200 miles from home. Bulimic. Hopeless. I prayed for God to stop my heart in the night several times so my family would not suffer shame if I committed suicide. Today, I have my own place in a new town. I’m working – not a millionaire, but paying rent and buying food with the assistance of food stamps. I have friends. I see a therapist twice a week. It’s slowly getting better. But you have to do the work, resolve to get out of this pit of despair. Get angry. Get rolling. Fuck the past. Fuck despair. Fuck the world. You get on your feet for YOU.