• 6 years ago
  • 305 Views

I’ve said my feelings all before on here but f***, I need to get it off my chest more. I have an eating disorder, okay? I hate myself. I think I’m fat and worthless and I believe no body can love me. Now don’t go and think I’m all bones and anorexic because I’m not. I don’t weigh below 100 okay. I wish I did but I don’t. I’m a 16 year old girl at 132 pounds. I have big a** thighs, a f****** muffin top that is disgusting to look at and my face is huge. Because of this stupid eating disorder I have lost 40 pounds and I thought me loosing the weight would make me happy but I guess i haven’t lost enough to be skinny. This stupid e.d. Is taking over my life and no body knows. And their not going to. If my parents found out, I don’t know what id do. So that’s one problem.

Another problem is my horrible a** anxiety. And of course self loathing but you probably got the picture when you read ‘eating disorder’ anyway; my stupid a** teachers want me to present infront of everyone and just be okay with it. I start my new f****** job tomorrow which you would think would be great but I’m scared shitless and I’m going to make a complete fool out of myself.

And lastly and certainly not least; I am f****** Bigender. At least, I’m pretty sure I am. I really just hate being called ‘she’ and when I think of someone calling me ‘he’ I feels good. I know I’m a girl and I’m okay with it. I still like guys. I just feels so much more comfortable when someone uses male pronouns on me. And once every couple of months I just get this urge to want to wear makeup and be girly and I guess those are my feminine days. I don’t really know, but most of the time I want male pronouns to be used for me.

I hate this eating disorder
I hate my anxiety
I’m proud to be Bigender

Thanks for reading I guess

All Comments

  • At 132 you are NOT fat! Congrats on the new job, it’s normal to be scared. You are working through things and DOING things that you should be proud of. I have a daughter the same age who also prefers t be called him/he etc. It’s a challenge for me, as her mom but I love ‘him’ and hopefully if you talked to your parents they might feel the same. Be proud of yourself for being who you are and for taking the steps to be more! 🙂 x

    Anonymous April 20, 2018 1:36 am Reply

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