• 6 years ago
  • 263 Views

I’ve said my feelings all before on here but f***, I need to get it off my chest more. I have an eating disorder, okay? I hate myself. I think I’m fat and worthless and I believe no body can love me. Now don’t go and think I’m all bones and anorexic because I’m not. I don’t weigh below 100 okay. I wish I did but I don’t. I’m a 16 year old girl at 132 pounds. I have big a** thighs, a f****** muffin top that is disgusting to look at and my face is huge. Because of this stupid eating disorder I have lost 40 pounds and I thought me loosing the weight would make me happy but I guess i haven’t lost enough to be skinny. This stupid e.d. Is taking over my life and no body knows. And their not going to. If my parents found out, I don’t know what id do. So that’s one problem.

Another problem is my horrible a** anxiety. And of course self loathing but you probably got the picture when you read ‘eating disorder’ anyway; my stupid a** teachers want me to present infront of everyone and just be okay with it. I start my new f****** job tomorrow which you would think would be great but I’m scared shitless and I’m going to make a complete fool out of myself.

And lastly and certainly not least; I am f****** Bigender. At least, I’m pretty sure I am. I really just hate being called ‘she’ and when I think of someone calling me ‘he’ I feels good. I know I’m a girl and I’m okay with it. I still like guys. I just feels so much more comfortable when someone uses male pronouns on me. And once every couple of months I just get this urge to want to wear makeup and be girly and I guess those are my feminine days. I don’t really know, but most of the time I want male pronouns to be used for me.

I hate this eating disorder
I hate my anxiety
I’m proud to be Bigender

Thanks for reading I guess

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