For over two years suicide has always been on my mind. I want to do it, more than anything but only one thing stands in the way of that. My family, I f****** hate that I care and love them, because if not I’d be gone a long time ago. A lot of people say ‘family brings strength’ but no, in my eyes all family ‘brings’ is pain, disappointment, anger, and hopelessness.
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Call the hotline, man, they helped me a lot and then I came out of that dark place.
1-800-273-8255
When I was about fifteen I lost hope in life and very seriously considered suicide. It was a feeling of total isolation from everyone and worst of all it seemed like no one even knew I was in such a desperate condition, or if they did they just didn’t care. I didn’t know how to explain to them that I needed answers now or I wasn’t going to be able to carry on.
I still don’t really know how I survived that time. I suppose it was probably the people around me who I didn’t want to “let down” by killing myself – just everyday people who I only met in passing.
But anyway, I suppose the best advice I can give you is live it out. Obviously I don’t know how old you are or the conditions of your life, but if you’re anything like me there will come a time when you find some other calling. I know stuff like this sounds so hard to believe from where you’re standing, but you will find something more important to you than family. In the meantime I hope you make it and don’t be afraid to confide in people you don’t know that we’ll. They may be able to help you.