I’m sitting here in my chair, feeling like I’m going to explode and suffocate at the same time. I want to go out and do something, anything to make myself feel like I’m alive. I want to be outside of myself. I’m always waiting. I work for bread crumbs just to live in a s***** apartment. I’m saving. Saving for body mods. Mods that make me feel like I have control over myself where everywhere else in life, I don’t. I have social anxiety and generally distrust other people. Though all I want are friends. I am a cold person and I just want to have a genuine friendship with someone. I’ve gone through physical abuse as a child which contributes to the b*******. I want a friend to confide in and care for me, and in turn I want to sincerely care for them. It’s hard for me to actually care for other people and it f****** scares me. How can I even properly express my sadness and longing? It’s the truest I have felt in all my life.
