I have school, field hockey, I play fortnite with all my friends and I’m getting a haircut tomorrow. I have a lot of distractions and yesterday wasn’t a good day but today is better. I’m not on my phone much and that helps because I seem to be more sad when I’m on it because I wonder what ur doing. I’m gonna try and be without it most of my day so it becomes a routine and I don’t use my phone anymore. And when I shower it isn’t like it used to be I sit there so numb staring until I can find the energy to wash myself and my hair. I’m trying to be open minded and patient because things take time. But I can’t stop binge eating everything which is better because before I wasn’t eating and was about to throw up Everytime. I’m gonna try putting effort in myself because I know I’ll appreciate it and my body will and hopefully my mind. As much as I hate going to practice I work on my body and get to leave the house. I become proud of myself when I score and get a good time on the mile and I don’t think about anything besides what I’m doing at practice so it’s a break from everything. Along with school and tomorrow I’m getting a big chop so I will hopefully like how it looks and that thrill will make me feel good. I’m still working on myself and I haven’t wrote as much in my notes in self reflection because I haven’t been doing well with motivation but I’m constantly working on myself even if it’s not in writing I know what needs to be done. I tried not posting here yesterday and i was fine. I ddint wake up in the middle of the night crying 5 times and I could actually sleep for once. But I’m going to distract myself with fortnite before my next class I been winning and it makes me happy too I love video games now. I miss u and wish we could play and you wouldn’t be so mean w me but I can’t do anything about it besides let you be and if you want to give me a chance I’m so thankful and if not I’ll be here patient hoping in the future U will. If nothing can happen now I might as well work on myself to be better later on.
