17 years
x
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I wish that I could feel secure. I wish that I didn’t feel like a failure and like I am stupid all the time. My husband says he loves me but he doesn’t touch me. We haven’t had s** in one month. When I get undressed, he turns his head or walks out. He never looks at me with love. Nor desire. I hate it. Everyone else tells me I am pretty. I lost weight and am still taking care of myself. I am in school taking Information Technologies. I have a very high libido. I want to belong to someone. I want to freak my husband. But I feel so ugly. I feel rejected. I feel shamed. I am a brown woman. But, I swear I blush red when he rejects me repeatedly. Why doesn’t he want me? I am a good woman. I take care of his kids. He has 3 and I already had 3 of my own. He has killed my family’s joy. I have lost so much of myself. I have no confidence. Everything I try to do he knocks. Why do I stay? We have been together 11 years. Married for 6. Why has he changed? My father left me when I was 14. I was a Daddy’s Girl. Why didn’t HE love me? I try so hard to be right. Why don’t they love me? I just want to feel passion and joy. To have a light heart filled to overflow with love. But now, I am dying. I have nothing left to give. I feel no joy inside. Just shame.

New Confession

So, one time I told my mom that I wanna buy a lollipop, I was 17 that time. My step brother then asked if he could come my mom and I agreed. Me and my step brother let’s just call him Daniel. Daniel the both of went out to buy. We bought a few things lollies and he said he wanted a beer, so I bought one for him. But on the way home walking he asked saying “I have a lollipop why would you buy one?” I looked confused. But I just said I like the strawberry flavored more. he then asked if we could go somewhere for awhile, I agreed cuz’ why not, The house is boring anyway. We went to this secluded area it’s dim but not to dark. No person is walking at that time because it’s night a bit late. We sat down on the bench right beside each other. around probably 5 minutes passed, he took my hand and hovered at top of his “DIH’ it was hard, very hard. my hand is not inside yet. He spoke “you make me this hard everyday.” mind you he was 22 at that time. I sat down still, I didn’t move one bit and just let him do what he wants to. then, he puts my hand inside and helped me stroke his “Dih” I stroked it, he started moaning softly minutes passed like that, he spoke after “Can you s*** for me?” I nodded, because what can I do? I sucked his dih and he exploded on my mouth. I thought it was done and he told me to swallow so I did. after that we didn’t tell mom nor dad it’s our little secret. that was 6 months ago, and now we both sometimes do it when we are alone.

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