• 1 week ago

We’ve been together 10 years. In the beginning, you were an abusive monster. I couldn’t leave because you wouldn’t let me have a job and you always threatened to take the kids from me. About 7 years in, you started changing. You weren’t as mean and angry anymore. You stopped being horrible to me and the kids. I was finally able to heal from some of the trauma you caused me. Still, I was afraid to talk to you about anything. We didn’t bond, you weren’t affectionate or appreciative. We were just living in the same space. Strangers. I was so miserable. I still felt alone and unloved. I made a CL post hoping to find some female friends with similar interests, and a guy responded telling me he was into the same things and that he was going through a lot. We bonded over being with people who didn’t love us, took us for granted and just plain treated us like crap. He began to love bomb the everliving shit out of me, and since I was lonely and love-starved, I took the bait. Hook, line and sinker. We met up, and even though he was really physically unattractive, I thought to myself, well the good looking ones don’t treat you right so maybe this fugly guy will appreciate what he has? He seemed like a genuinely good, nice person. We began meeting up at cheap hotels. Because he was still living with his “ex”. He fed me every lie in the book. Nothing between them, separate beds, only together for the kid, “ex” is a horrible fat lazy bitch who makes him work 12-16 hour days and still come home to cook and clean. He pays for everything and if he left, his kid would have nothing because the “ex” is “disabled”. He would tell me it wasn’t about the sex, he needed the intimacy. He told me he got into a fight with his “ex” and moved out to stay in a run-down shack that belonged to his dad. My stupid ass actually thought I had fallen in love with this guy. Even though his stories never seemed to make sense and my intuition was screaming at me. You eventually found out about him. You lost it on me. But I saw that you were genuinely hurt. That was the first time I had ever seen you cry. I thought maybe you actually do love me. I still had no money of my own, so I needed you to stay. I had actually wanted to leave and live with him. But, he gives me some BS about how the shack he lives in “isn’t safe for the kids”. But as soon as he could sell the other house (the one his “ex” supposedly refused to leave) we would be together. I wanted to believe him, and I didn’t think you would actually change. I convinced you that I cut off contact with old fugly, but I didn’t. I talked to him every day for months after. We occasionally met up, but we never had sex again. He was always SO busy with work. I questioned if he was really genuine, like I said, his stories didn’t add up and I just had a gut feeling. But he would constantly tell me that he loved me more than anything and that he was planning a life with me. I got less trusting over time as none of his promises came to be, and his actions stopped matching his words. But he would emotionally manipulate me by telling me he gave up his house and his relationship with his daughter FOR ME. Trust started to wear thin, and I looked to see if his “ex” had Instagram. She does. Pictures of them looking like a happy family. Captions referring to him as her husband. A picture of them buying a new house together at the same time he was telling me he was trying to sell his house to be with me. Recent pictures of him with his daughter. I was stunned. I called him on it, and he went full retard. He was pissed at ME for being hurt!! Called me psycho for looking up his wife, threatened to “have me followed” by his state trooper friend if I messaged his wife and exposed him, and STILL tried to lie and say he wasn’t living with her! He said he’d just move on with someone else who wouldn’t question his past (umm you mean present?) and who would just blindly trust him. Yeah, good luck finding that. Especially since you’re fugly, underwhelming in bed, boring, not all that smart, and you act like you’re 80. Topped off by the fact that you’re nutless and won’t leave your wife even though she supposedly makes you miserable and you’re a pathological liar. So. . .now I haven’t spoken to that idiot in months. I decided to go all in, working on our relationship. You’ve changed a lot. You stopped taking me for granted after you saw that I’m not afraid to leave you. Now I have a job, and I make good money, I can do or be whatever I want. We still have a long way to go though. You have some healing you need to do. We need to be better at communicating. And I need you to step up and be a partner. I worry that we just aren’t compatible. I feel guilty, because you really have been trying, but if we aren’t compatible, I really don’t want to sacrifice the rest of my life’s happiness. I feel like I’ve already wasted so many years of my life that I’ll never get back.