Tw: mental health and self harm
You ever hit that point in your life where you’re living alone and all your friends are busy, but you’re trying your hardest to catch up with everyone knowing that everyone are living their own lives or doesn’t even think about you? You’re so caught up in your own problems you try to avoid by coping in spending time with people. You’re trapped in your own bubble you’re so desperately trying to escape. It’s even harder when you barely have that much friends that can or even bothers to pull you out of that bubble. I want to be happy, but I can’t. I want to be busy so that i don’t have to focus on myself. However, even with all these shifts eating up my free time, I still feel empty. I turn to my own sexual lifestyle, which in turn, only adds to my complications. I’m a lonely gay teenager chasing friendships that doesn’t need to be chased and exposed to a toxic hookup culture. I pledged to seek the help i need, but still haven’t bothered to find the time to do so. I’m a human and I make mistakes and I’m trying to be better, but deep down I have so much guilt and shame even rooting to my own spirituality. I feel as though God is punishing me. It’s hard to keep up with my own act of pretending that i have my life planned and that I have people that cares about me, when deep down I really don’t. It’s tiring everyday to try, and try, and try. I’m so exhausted of trying to make everything work, trying to sacrifice everybit of myself to make time for others, and trying to not end everything.