I am a childhood s***** assault survivor, I have a girlfriend of a few years and every time we have s** i end up forgeting a large part of it, like it almost immediately gets forgotten its not the fact i dont want it, i do,
and its not the fact i dont feel safe, i feel the safest ive ever felt around her.
i dont know why i do this and it genuinley upsets me, its not even the fact i cant remember the s***** parts its the fact that my brain asociates things like that with what happened to me to the point where it tries to protect me from things i dont need protection from,
i wish it didnt influince me this way, id do anything to stop it from effecting me like this, i just wanna live and enjoy my life without this.
i wish i could tell my girlfriend about this but im still so scared of talking about it, it just keeps opening the wounds and it ruins me for weeks at a time, i want help but im too scared of everything to reach out, i dont know what to do anymore
