as far back as I can remember my dad treated me like s***. and my mother too. he made it very clear that he had no affection to give us. if there was a way to put me down he found it. i wasnt even 10 years old. my mom was always there for me and intervened when things got too involved with my dad. i remember waking up one morning a year later and she wasn’t home and my dad said she left. it took me a few days to realize that she wasn’t coming back. it crushed me. I wanted to know why she left, but more importantly how she could leave me with such a pig. the next few years my life slowly decayed. I started smoking weed and got drunk frequently. one night at a party I met this guy, a few years older than me. while I was throwing up on the staircase he was at my aid while everyone else was having a good time. we started dating for a few months. I couldn’t stand living with my dad anymore so I estatic when this guy asked me to move in so I dropped out of high school and moved in. I was just 17 but what did i know? he was my knight in shining armor every teenage girl dreams of. our relationship got quite intimate for about a year but it all started slipping away. I was desperate to keep him. so desperate I tried the cocaine like he said i should that night. it marked the beginning of my hell. today i turn 20 and I can’t help but to look back on my life. nothing. I’m addicted to coke now and so is my bf. he dictates my life and any intimacy we had is now gone for the most part. I think I still love him deep deep down but thats not why I havnt left him yet, and I should. I know I should. but he supplies my addiction. he knows I’m too desperate to leave and he takes andvantage of it. I am miserable. I don’t even see the point of getting clean. all I see is me with no place to go, no one to talk to, and still miserable. living this life, at least I can pretend I’m happy. this is the first time I told anybody the whole story. only now that i see it written out do I realize how much I actually have to confess