• 2 weeks ago

It fucking hurts so much cause everyday I have to put up a front to everyone and pretend I’m alright and shit. I can’t fucking talk to anyone about how I feel because it’s been literal years and everyone expects me to have moved on from Aaron already but the truth is I just can’t and I probably never will. I miss him so much. I try my best to distract myself with games and shit and I can’t stop fucking up everytime. I just wish he was here. I’d do anything to bring him back. Deep down I know he’s just gone for good but like. AAAAAH. I had a fucking dream about him and of all things it’s just very triggering shit. WHy couldn’t I have just dreamed about peaceful things, reconciliation or just small talks like I usually do with dead people? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE *THAT*. I TOLD MY FRIENDS ABOUT IT BUT NOT THE FULL EXTENT I HAD TO WHITE LIE AROUND IT FUCKKKKKK WHYYY FUCKFUCKFUCLKFUCKFCUFKC AHHHH IM LITERALLY LOSING MY SHIT FUCK