• 7 days ago

Why do they always want to hurt me? why cant I do anything without being critiqued for it I just want to be happy doing what I want to do but it seems my mere existence is a joke or a pain for them, I can see why I feel it myself. I’m constantly thinking about k1/l-l-ing myself even though I act so happy around everyone. I don’t mean to act happy but it was just how I survived growing up I cant open up without being judged.
Am I annoying? I feel like I’m annoying, Maybe I just always talk too much because I have no one else to talk to. Why do you hate me? what have I done to you, I’m trying my hardest to get along with you but if you always tell me to k1/l-l myself I wont know what to do. This is probably one of the worst past 3 days I’ve had in a while I cant take it anymore either, my head always hurt and I feel so exhausted, My head feels empty but it hurts I just want to sleep but I cant, You guys have made me utterly dependent on you to the point it hurts I’m sorry for doing the same thing to you specifically, no wonder you left us behind even though you always told me you hated me and to leave.
Why do you always buy my forgiveness you make me feel guilty that you have to spend money on me, why do you always bring him around when it hurts me, I get it he’s your boyfriend but c’mon can’t you just tell him not to be so mean to me he always makes my life 10x worse and I cant handle it anymore, I don’t want to do the same thing I did with your last boyfriend where I guilted you into it by lying but why do you always pick the ones who hurt me, I know I’m not apart of your relationships but cant you just find someone whos nice to us.
and you, I don’t know what to say to be honest, I’m not sure whether to blame and apologize, You’ve made fun of me and told me to kill myself so many times that It honestly doesn’t phase me when it comes out of your mouth, I still didn’t forget about you making fun of my self harm constantly either, but I don’t treat you right either since you’re the only person I feel that I’m slightly superior to but at the same time I’m not.
I just want an apology please