years ago,my uncle raped me when i was a little girl, he was living with us, unemployed, drunk all the time

he used to come to my bedroom every night and do these bad things, and i was terrified because he threatened me that if i told anyone he would kill me

h grew up later and got married but i still do remember the whole thing, i even had difficulties (s***** matters) with my beloved husband in the beginning of our marriage, and it was all related to my childhood terrible experience

last year my uncle passed away, and i visited him before he die, he was very ill with a liver and lung cancer, and though i was comforting him with few words, but I was happy from inside to see him in that situation

i tried for forget and forgive, but i can't

at some stages in my life, i was even thinking of killing him, i used to dream that I'm killing him with all taht hatred and revenge