I have been playing the piano my whole life and have made music my passion. But now as I lay here in bed alone, I cannot begin to think of why. Why do I continue playing? I am so behind everyone else my age and I can’t think of why I’ve kept with it my whole life. Maybe it’s because I just want to make others proud of me. Maybe it’s so I can show my emotions to the world. Maybe it’s because I feel obligated at this point. I don’t know. I can’t think straight anymore. I feel dead when I play. I only listen for notes not lining in perfect sync and I only listen for wrong notes, not my own enjoyment. I feel as if I am trapped underwater when playing. Like I’m playing along the seafloor. Pitch black. Silent. I don’t want to continue it anymore, but it’s all I’m good for anymore. It’s one of the only things going for me right now. I feel so dead emotionally. I have all of these dreams and aspirations with piano but I don’t know what the purpose for them is. Even if I did, I don’t know at all how to make that happen.
