I think that I truly am a narcissist. I always care about what others think of me, even when I do something that’s wrong, I still try to find make myself look like a victim. I am always the victim in my life. I never take responsibility because I’m terrified of being condemned for it. I ignore other people’s needs and emotions because I am so caught up on my own. I feel like a fake and a liar. I used to have some form of empathy but now it’s like I simply don’t care. I only care about how I look. I want people to like me and love me, I want validation even when I’m the one who’s committed wrong. I hate criticism. I get angry and defensive when others call me out. I don’t know what values are. My belief system doesn’t match my actions. I also like sympathy, I manipulate, and when others tell me that I hurt them- I have no reaction. I feel guilt but I suppress it. I feel like when I do wrong then that makes me wrong- that I truly am a bad person. I am very uncomfortable with myself, sometimes I feel like I can do whatever I want. I go from having deep remorse to none at all. I go from hating myself to the extreme to feeling like I am unstoppable. I feel like two different people at once. I feel like I am split in half. My behavior is truly starting to scare me.
