What has my childhood abuse done to me? It makes me crave to feel like a scared rabbit in wolf’s teeth. It has sickened my sexuality. If I am not some innocent, fragile object I can’t engage. I engage only by not engaging. I crave to be used and then cuddled sweetly. I can’t make sense of this desire. I want to be a good girl by being an empty vessel…lovable only after my sacrifice and defilement. I detest myself for this. But I can’t fight this nature of mine…only suppress and hide.
